I, mutant

Multiple Facebook friends have 'defined' me with the term 'toe thumbs' (or in one case the more web-like 'toe_thumbs') - I'm sure not in a 'hang the freak!' sense, but it is a bit odd being identified with one/two bits of anatomy, no matter how bizarre.

I suppose they look more like toes than lots of other non-toe objects that exist in the universe. I should point out they are opposable, I can use tools and cling to branches. Although technically a mutant I don't think I qualify for membership of the X-Men - maybe a more supporting role, like Willie Lumpkin, the Fantastic Four's postman who offers to help on the basis that he can 'wiggle my ears real good'.

Actually it's not the first time they've been remarked on, and I have been known to draw attention to them myself (and not just by waving them around to scare people away from seats on trains.) I made a video once, a monologue in the persona of a fireman (Fireman Jack, c1983). At the end I mentioned having my thumbs burned off and surgically replaced with toes (which did actually happen to someone.) There was a brief shot of my real hands - I never expected anyone to think it was true, but the combination of my method acting and the real digits meant that several people thought it was (eg audience member exiting room saying 'blimey, did you see that guy's hands!').

Perhaps I should become (more of) a conman, like the Eddie Izzard character in the excellent 'Riches'.